Insomnia, my bffl.

I've been having lots of problems sleeping these past few days. Before, it was because I was so sick that I couldn't breathe when I laid down, or got coughing attacks. I am still sick but now I just can't sleep randomly. And it has nothing to do with the fact that my dog snores louder than my dad (and that means LOUD).

I think too much.

I have so many things in my head that I wish i could express creatively. My hands are itching to draw a picture, my camera is itching to capture a special something that will express everything that is going through my head at times like this.
But I fail.

I've probably taken about 800 pictures this past month, none of which I'm proud of and have led to further editing. This is really problematic. Me and Gerry have been planning on writing music once again and unfortunately I have been lacking inspiration to sit down at the piano and figure stuff out. I draw, and fail.

This is rather frustrating, because if I can't find inspiration to do those things I call my passions, then what the hell am I going to find the inspiration and drive to do those things that I have to get done?

I have to push myself harder. I have to start taking my camera with me everywhere I go once again. I need to stop complaining about bad lighting and lack of interesting views. I have to start drawing whenever I get an idea in my head. I need to do something to get these things out of my head that keep me up at night. And, from previous experience, I know that the only way for these things to stop haunting me is by expressing them creatively. Somehow.

Tonight insomnia and fear stroke once again. Instead of wasting all of my time on facebook doing absolutely nothing, I looked up young artists work and somehow felt the need to do what they did and loved. Create.

So i looked through my pictures, and found nothing. I took out my sketchbook and started drawing random things. Nothing I liked. Yet after a few trials I seem to be getting somewhere. I have an idea I want to try out, 2 actually. And I've started. I'm excited.

A few days ago I took a picture just to show friends my new hair, but I liked it and decided to do some simple line art on it. I hope that this is only the beginning of a photo series of line art on photography that I plan to do. Excited.

And as for music? Tomorrow, no matter how hard it is for me to get a chord down on the piano to accompany Gerry's guitar, I will do it until I get something we like out of it.


Thank you insomnia, you have given me inspiration.

I fell inlove

With this toy: the tenori-on


My life will be incomplete until i save up 1000 dollars to buy one. And it will not be a worthless buy. I like music experimentation. This will only allow me to explore...

Created a new deviant art account, mostly to create somewhat of a portfolio, and hopefully get some feedback.
www.tdanisaurusrex.deviantart.com

Decided to become completely straight edge. Will explain why some other time
Also decided to become less of a materialist. I will not buy things I don't need, I will get rid of things I own but don't need. I will start making things I need if I can, instead of buying them.

I want to dedicate myself more to my art. I want to rededicate myself to music.
I want to read more, read more political theory. I want to know what I believe in in depth.

There's this picture that's been in my head for a few days now. I need to draw it... I just don't bring myself to do it in fear that it won't be like the picture in my head...

Soon. These are like my mid-year resolutions..

In the past few days

I hiked an active volcano

Went to prom. Ha.

Designed a tattoo for a friend.
And ended up hating photoshop forever. Or at least for a few more days.

Soon we'll go to a lake and a town that is actually the second biggest city in Guatemala (yet it is still a town). Then we're going to a free theme park. And then next week we're going to Tikal.

I accidentally bit my lip ring and now its in a funky shape and I can't get it out of my lip. Thank god i'm going to the piercing place today anyway and hopefully it'll be removed...

24 degrees Celsius out, perfect.

I thank you, Tibbs

Been in Guatemala for almost 2 weeks now, and I have done nothing productive.
Seriously.
Nothing. Apparently procrastination follows me into the summer.

I was planning on taking French classes, but I just found out that the saturday classes I wanted to take might not be good for me since I'll be traveling the next two week, and missing 2 intensive french classes might be pointless...

In other news, Gerry's friends from Florida are coming to visit tomorrow, it'll be a lot of fun. One of them asked me to help design a tattoo for him, he'll get it done here at the place we go to. I was honored, and started drawing. I'm suddenly thanking all those weeks dedicated to line drawing in art class. For real, never been more grateful. After I get some drawings down I'll upload it to the computer and do some better line drawings with photoshop. And then to the tattoo shop for any last edits. It'll be fun. If it comes out awesome (and it should, since someone is trusting one of my drawings to be on his body for the rest of his life), I'll add it to my art portfolio. It'll be an interesting addition.

I should go sketch out some things. And cut my hair. Yes cutting my hair would be fantastic right now.

I am seriously considering starting a blog dedicated to mustaches of the world.

Airports make me feel lonely

So I'm changing the pace around here again... My last post was just a little too serious. I have to make this whimsical, and fun, and dumb!

As I write this I'm sitting at Logan airport, gate A7. Someone near me is eating delicious smelling chinese food. I haven't eaten much in the past few days...

I just realized how little i've slept this week. I mean, I have mono, but I also had finals so sleeping wasn't an option. When I finished my last final on thursday, I stayed up till 5 in the morning packing. I then woke up at 8 to continue doing things. Last night I had about 30 minutes of sleep, I finished packing around 5 am but couldn't sleep from the sound of my roommate packing. either way i was getting up at 6 am to finish everything so I could get to boston in time.

So I say this because... I HAVE THE BIGGEST DARK CIRCLES AROUND MY EYES EVER!

I always have dark circles, its a genetic thing I guess.. and I've been a stressed out perfectionist since I was 6. BUT THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS.
For real, it looks like there's some purple monster growing underneath my eye. It POPS OUT. I can see all the veins and grossness. I gross myself out. I can't even hide it with make up. I don't wear base and usually don't use much concealer, but I tried to at least make it look normal, but I can't make it look less purple. its just there. Or maybe I just suck at applying makeup. But this is is almost as noticeable as my glasses and septum piercing. It just stabs you in the eye with a very sharp knife. I would take a picture, but people would look at me funny. And I already feel self conscious enough... :(

I'm seeing this boy soon (and the zebra too)

:D And he's fantastic because he won't care that the purple dude from McDonald's has decided to make my eye its home.
There's a great summer ahead of us :]

By the time I post this I'll probably be home, I refuse to pay for WiFi. Or maybe the Texans will give me free internet? I just figured I would write something about that creature growing in my face.

I really wish I could be watching some videos of cute animals... My next post will be all about cute animals. I promise.

La corrupción no le pertenece ni a un partido politico, ni a una ideologia

Its 2.13 am. I have a final in less than 24 hours. I am absolutely unprepared for it. I have mono: it is making my glands swell and my head palpitate. I am sitting in my dorm room alone, half in darkness because the headache also makes my eyes hyper sensitive to too much light. I can't focus. I really just want to sleep. Shit. I need to sleep.

But I can't

Something awful happened in Guatemala. I feel the need to comment it. Yes, finally a man was brave enough to stand out against corruption. Yes finally, FINALLY the public opened their eyes and realized that this is the harsh reality.
But how do we process this eye opening experience? This ridiculously painful realization that Guatemala needs change?
Through hate. Through labels. Through simplistic categorization.
Everyone just yells out to the world on how much we hate Colom, what an asshole he is, how can he be corrupt, how did we elect someone as corrupt as him, why is the world so unfair, so unjust, damn Colom, damn his government, he should burn in hell next to Pinochet and Hitler.

Yes, we knew from day one he was not going to be a good president.

Hell, what pissed me off the most is that the campaigned around the country calling himself a socialist, a man of the people, a man of the public, a man of the needy. He paraded around town with a pseudo leftist label, creating false hope among many of the poor, and unreasonable fear among the rich.

But, do you all young people remember the elections? Who was his main oponent? No one but General Otto Perez Molina. Didn't the title tip you off a little? Just saying, he is a military man... Guatemala had gone through many years of awful right wing military government... It wasn't pretty. He himself is known for having benefited from the civil war...
Yet he was from the right. Didn't you see that when rich city dwellers were more willing to vote for a military tyrant just because he's from the right vs. Colom who was from the "left," that change needed to happen??

So you all voted. And then Colom won. The rural/poor section rejoiced. The rich city succumbed in depression.. Not only did you not even try to understand his so called political agenda.."oh no, my 20 cars will be redistributed? THIS IS THE END OF IT ALL!!!"... but you went and complained about his speech impediment and assumed he wasn't man enough because his wife had a voice in their relationship.

But hold on, I'm not defending him.

First off, the political agenda everyone attached to him was absolutely off. Second of all, he is corrupt. We knew this was going to happen. After all when doesn't it? My point is this. PEOPLE WERE WILLING TO VOTE FOR A RIGHT WING MILITARY TYRANT BECAUSE THEY WERE SCARED OF THE SO CALLED LEFT.
Doesn't that fact scare you? It scared the shit out of me.

So here we are. Once again a proof of corruption has risen to the air. Once again we know that there is corruption in our country. Around time you noticed Guatemala, this has been going on for years. So you call up a revolution? No, too radical... Maybe a strike? Ok ok that's better at least we don't have to work that day... We make some signs: "COLOM SUCKS" ok, that's getting us somewhere right? We incite hatred, we blame his government, we blame the left.

And again, I'm not defending him, I dislike that man as much as any of you, and he is a horrible president.

But why did it have to get this far? This is not the government's fault. This is not a fault of the left. Hell its not even Colom's fault, other than that he is an opportunistic bitch.

The fault is ours. We let this go on for too long. For too many years we were afraid to stand up, to talk against corruption. For too many years we have given cops 20qs to not get a ticket, for too many years we have accepted to vote for someone that will give us financial benefit. FOR TOO MANY YEARS WE HAVE BEEN QUIET AND AFRAID. FOR TOO MANY YEARS WE HAVE LET OUR INDIGENOUS BROTHERS AND SISTERS GET SHAFTED BECAUSE IT BENEFITED US. FOR TOO MANY FUCKING YEARS WE HAVE JUST LAID BACK AND ENJOYED OUR PRIVILEGE.

Colom ran for President because he knew he could pull this off. We are the ones that let corrupt men rule us.

We cause corruption because we allow it. Want to change our country? For God's sake, change yourself first.

Never ending headaches

You know what's worse than finals? Getting the symptoms of a debilitating contagious disease during finals.
That's right, I just found out I have mono, RIGHT on finals week.
Aren't I lucky...

Insomnia strikes again

I walked home while the sun rose. Pretty.
But now I can't sleep

Just entered "ohmygodiamsofuckingstupidwhydidntistartstudyingforthisearlierimgonnafailoutofcollegeanddieinapileofdissapointmentandlackofachievement" mode

Not that it makes me any more productive...

I watch videos of cute animals when I'm stressed out or sad

This one will forever be one of my favorites.

Caffeine makes me want to pee more than usual.

And this is a rather unfortunate fact because I hate public bathrooms. Not that I can really escape them since I live on a freshman dorm with communal bathrooms... But at least I wish I didn't have to go pee on the Science Library's ONE toilet that has to be shared by almost the whole Brown community. It is also final's week so even MORE people share this toilet. Not cool.

Almost 5 hours later I finished about 40 pages of reading. I feel rather unaccomplished, given the fact that my final is tomorrow at 6 pm. That gives me... about 38 more hours to read. Not enough, at all.

Brown has these ridiculous safety measures. We have a thing called safe ride, which is basically a car that goes around campus dropping off students in different locations. That ends at 3 am. We also have safe walkers which are students that walk around campus and can walk you anywhere in campus, that way you don't have to walk all alone at night. That ends at 2 am.

So here I am, at 4.45 am. Walking home, all alone. Yes...

=]

Please give me another reason to procrastinate

Due to the high levels of caffeine in my body right now, plus how nauseating studying for finals is, I've decided to start a blog.

Yes. Be excited.

I will write about random things no one but my solitary mind cares about in the high hours of the night when I'm either not doing what I'm supposed to, simply can't sleep, or have a pounding headache that keeps me from closing my eyes.

Oh boy. This will be fun.

I'll just pretend that this is a "productive" way to procrastinate. I mean, I am exercising my mind after all, and it'll give me something to do other than stalk random people on facebook for no reason whatsoever... or read FML... or overheard in newyork.

i spend too much effing time on the internet.

so knowing how much time i spend procrastinating, I'm sure this will be updated many times in one night. Oh yes. The internet will be changed. FOREVER!

Take it as my first step into world domination. It'll happen, I promise.

Ok so off I go into a world of non-stop studying about contemporary history of photography.
Say hello to Mapplethorpe, and Eggleston, and Kruger.

I will be another person by the time the sun rises...